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jodiechrist
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 Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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Rrrrr! Relationships! *rage!*
*not at all annoyed, bitter or looking for a 1br flat...
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Sin Ogaris
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Awww, you work with Karai yeah? Grope his head, that seems to cheer everyone else up.
But do it secretly, we don't want him developing some kind of God complex.
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mcerto
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:05 am Post subject: |
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| Sinthesys wrote: | | As far as casual relationships go, a snog in the park is hardly comparable to the widely accepted definition of cheating: to sleep with someone else. |
just because its not comparable doesn't mean its cheating. its still over the line. so there's no point pointing out it was only an inch when it could have been a foot..because he shouldn't have been over there in the first place.
..yeah, that analogy confuses me too.
and as far as relationships go, I'm a firm believer in going with your gut. people can tell you what they think, but its going to be based on their own experiences. if someones been through a shitty breakup, they wont tell you to go for a long-term relationship. its something you're going to have to figure out yourself.
good example is me, I've had plenty of opportunities to fool around and whatnot, but i cant keep feelings separate. I've accepted that I'm a "relationship guy" and sure, its gonna lead to some pain, but at least I'm not getting attached to every random i hook up with.
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jodiechrist
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| Sin Ogaris wrote: | Awww, you work with Karai yeah? Grope his head, that seems to cheer everyone else up.
But do it secretly, we don't want him developing some kind of God complex. |
hahah - funnily enough, when out with him people seem to ask for my permission first before randomly clawing at his head. I should start charging a toll.
And nope, don't work with him, but lived with him until quite recently, and share a plethora of crazy relatives.
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Sinthesys
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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| mcerto wrote: | | Sinthesys wrote: | | As far as casual relationships go, a snog in the park is hardly comparable to the widely accepted definition of cheating: to sleep with someone else. |
just because its not comparable doesn't mean its cheating. its still over the line. so there's no point pointing out it was only an inch when it could have been a foot..because he shouldn't have been over there in the first place.
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So because both assault and murder are a crime, there's no point pointing out that one is infinitely more severe than the other? Way to live in the magical world of absolutes.
People are human, they make mistakes, especially when drunk. You need to know when to cut your losses and when to just cut someone some slack. Its not always as black and white as x=cheating and cheating=dumped.
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Fly
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Sinthesys wrote: |
So because both assault and murder are a crime, there's no point pointing out that one is infinitely more severe than the other? Way to live in the magical world of absolutes.
People are human, they make mistakes, especially when drunk. You need to know when to cut your losses and when to just cut someone some slack. Its not always as black and white as x=cheating and cheating=dumped. |
Law =/= human emotion, your analogy fails.
Relationships have a requirement of at least 2 human opinions; yourself and your significant other, this is still the case in a casual relationship just that the boundaries are muggy and prone to being broken because people in said relationships don't talk much about restrictions outside of initially.
From Shocks original post it wasn't exactly a casual relationship to begin with since the "offense" happened 10 hours in, this would then be bound by the common decency clause in that in the case of a man being with a woman and having genuine feelings for her, you don't then bugger off and pash other people regardless of the excuse.
If you do it while drunk, how is the other person supposed to trust you to go out without supervision?
What would make the next time any different?
Why should the other party bother abide by "the rules" next time when you couldn't keep it in your pants in the first place?
Sure it's not as simple kiss another woman = cheating simply because there are many reasons for a man to kiss a woman, but in any case with emotions and a significant other you have betrayed their trust in you, you have injured them like very few can and that you can't "man up" and admit it and rather blame being intoxicated is a cop out.
There are always strings attached, you just fail to see them until you cross them when you're in a relationship that lacks communication, like say a casual one where the focus is directed elsewhere.
As for the one speaking in absolutes, I actually got more of that vibe from your post than mcertos in you using the "widely accepted definition of cheating" instead of common sense as well. Casual realtionships are almost like a constant state of flux in that they are shifting depending on what the two people in them agree are their ground rules instead of what is universally seen to be the status quo of them or as you put it "the widely accepted definition of cheating when in casual relationships = bedding other women."
I would assume that is absolute in anyones language.
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Sinthesys
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Fly wrote: | | Law =/= human emotion, your analogy fails. |
How about from a moral standpoint, not a legal one? Basically, my point still remains valid, and there is never one line which when you cross, it doesn't matter how far you go, you still crossed it and that's enough. Its a pretty naive thing to do, however young'uns have a bad habit in indulging in this way of thinking, as it is an easy way to order/understand the world. However, its just not like that. Even in the realm of the deplorable betrayal of sleeping with someone else: Is the cut not that much deeper if it wasn't a random stranger but a friend/sibling? You can't boil the world down into absolutes like that: lines drawn firmly in the sand, its just not realistic.
| Quote: | f you do it while drunk, how is the other person supposed to trust you to go out without supervision?
What would make the next time any different?
Why should the other party bother abide by "the rules" next time when you couldn't keep it in your pants in the first place? |
Did i ever say drunkeness was a valid excuse? I merely said people are more prone to making mistakes when in that state, I never excused their actions. I agree with you, but drinking is certainly a consideration, not a non-issue. I've done and said some things while drunk that just totally aren't me, then again, I'm not talking about being a little tipsy, I'm talking stumble blind.
| Quote: | | Sure it's not as simple kiss another woman = cheating simply because there are many reasons for a man to kiss a woman, but in any case with emotions and a significant other you have betrayed their trust in you, you have injured them like very few can and that you can't "man up" and admit it and rather blame being intoxicated is a cop out. |
Umm, you're preaching to the converted mate.
| Quote: | | As for the one speaking in absolutes, I actually got more of that vibe from your post than mcertos in you using the "widely accepted definition of cheating" instead of common sense as well. Casual realtionships are almost like a constant state of flux in that they are shifting depending on what the two people in them agree are their ground rules instead of what is universally seen to be the status quo of them or as you put it "the widely accepted definition of cheating when in casual relationships = bedding other women." |
Umm, an absolute would be me saying sex=cheating. However, I said widely accepted definition, because, well, it is. When you say 'I cheated on my boy/girlfriend' and you have no other contextual information, the first place anyone will go is 'who did you sleep with?'. There are a whole bunch of reasons for this, but most are boring ones related to the evolution of language. Anyway, I hardly think that a constriction of terminology can be construed as indulging in absolutism. That's just being pedantic...
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Puddingfork
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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I've got a few crazy friends that don't feel as if sex with another person is cheating, they're in an 'open relationship' but have been dating 3 years. The way he put it to me is that he doesn't think sex and love have to go together so it's not cheating on your partner if you don't love the person you're having sex with.
I think this is quite weird, but they can do what they like, their lives not mine.
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Aftershock
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:15 am Post subject: |
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| Fly wrote: | From Shocks original post it wasn't exactly a casual relationship to begin with since the "offense" happened 10 hours in, this would then be bound by the common decency clause in that in the case of a man being with a woman and having genuine feelings for her, you don't then bugger off and pash other people regardless of the excuse.
If you do it while drunk, how is the other person supposed to trust you to go out without supervision?
What would make the next time any different?
Why should the other party bother abide by "the rules" next time when you couldn't keep it in your pants in the first place? |
Yeah, this is pretty much how it was.
And whoever it was (i forget, only got back) that said I wanted to take it further, I don't, I really don't. I'm just slightly worried that she does. A hundred bucks says im worrying about nothing though.
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arbok
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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Hey... so its pretty simple really, ive already done all the hard work for you through some unfortunate trial and error which some turned out great and others not so. All you have to do is tell the girl straight up what you want - whether its casual sex or serious relationship... just dont go back on your word. If you dont want a serious relationship just tell them - many girls dont mind if its serious or not - they just dont want to be lied to or cheated... anyways thats what ive learned... in any case - u should always put in 110% effort - thats the basis of being a good friend anyway.
PS - yes kissing is cheating... becoz where does it stop... u always want more...
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