What people say in court

[TheAnswer]

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
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Q: Did he kill you?
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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Taken from: http://www.scribd.com/doc/13408/What-People-say-in-Court
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RIP Buddha 19/10/1952 - 03/01/2004


Buy video games for cheap here: http://www.play-asia.com/SOap-23-83-3hy3-49-en.html

[Karai Pantsu]

Those last three are absolutely golden! Qualified to give a urine sample, indeed

And, of course...
"Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year."
... anything that reminds me of Hot Fuzz is good in my books
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[Capoeira]

There are some classics there although this one got the biggest laugh from me:

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Say You Want A Revolution

[admeister]

Not bad, there some good ones in there! A lot of them a pretty stupid though.
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"The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty." - Fact Sphere.

[ret the roman]

Someone should put those in a phoenix wright game, stat.
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[Infested Jibbs]

[Samboy]

lol, i was reading this not 3 hours earlier, was it on digg.com . jibbs is right, that one is the best one of the lot
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[DancesInUnderwear]

Second to last one is the best.
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[Spanca]

[Matt3]

theres heaps of these going around, some from footy players, soccer players etc. should post them up here?

[Bitchacho]

[Spanca]

No. All your responses must be orally communicated, as in sign language, pointing, gesturing etc is not acceptable as every word needs to be transcribed.
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[zissou]

I like this one...

[Lord Halo Nerd]

[segax]

Absolutely gold. I like the "Did he kill you? "
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[Red Baron]

Nice one, good laugh

[canetoad]

Hahahaha All gold. There's heaps of stuff like that on the net.
Funny Insurance Claims
http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Insurance/Insurance.htm
School Excuse Notes
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic143.htm

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[admeister]

Insurance claims:

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

and

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

and

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

Weird, yet hilarious:

"I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof."

I love it.
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"The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty." - Fact Sphere.

[Lord Halo Nerd]

[admeister]

[canetoad]

[Cro]

Gold, absolute gold!

2nd to last is the best.
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[?oe?oe]

[Vervain]

[BovineDeath]

Oral.
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