Winter, hey? The perfect time to snuggle up with a toasty warm game of your choice and really get to grips with it, really burrow down into its nethers. Maybe have a crack at the hardest difficulty, finish off that final level or hone your multiplayer skills. Or, if you're anything like me, decide it's all too hard and move on to the next thing.
I am something of an unfaithful tart when it comes to videogames. I flit from game to game like a bumble bee in a field of flowers. I have the best intentions, trust me. Every time I load up a new game, I make a little promise to myself that this time, I'm going to finish the damn thing. Explore every nook and cranny. Get a decent position on the online leaderboards. Doesn't happen, of course.
A case in point: I got Company of Heroes about, what, a year ago? Brilliant game, as you no doubt already know. I think I'm a bit less that halfway through the campaign and don't really have the slightest interest in getting any further. In fact, it's no exaggeration to say that I have only a fleeting interest in any campaign mode in any game - all that bad voice acting and all those wooden cut scenes. Sheesh. Sure, maybe there's a story there but I've never gotten into a game because of the story. Not even an RPG. Oblivion? I dunno, something about a king and trippy portals into Fiery Heck. I was having too much fun pushing bananas off tables - realistic physics! - and stealing the undies off corpses to care. I don't know, I just groan internally when I hear a game promise "a complex and evolving storyline told on an epic scale." So that'd be another 50 hours of squeaky voiced fairy companions, then? Hang on a sec, I just have to go and slam my fingers in a car door for a while, then'll be right with you.
Frank wasn't that fond of mice either, but thought the guys were overreacting a little.
Sorry, already got myself sidetracked. This isn't supposed to be an anti-story rant, but more about my lack of staying power when it comes to games. I should point out that, just like you, I currently have the 'flu, so if this winds its way into a lengthy dissertation on flower arranging, I'll thank you to keep quiet and we'll pretend June never happened. Good.
Right, so games then. Yes. They're good, aren't they? Colourful. Often with sound. If you're at a LAN party, then there's usually a kind of smell-o-vision involved too. But, as I was saying, I find it difficult to really stay with a game to the bitter end. There's a "tipping point", to use a tiresome techno-hipster phrase, at which I tend to feel a game has done all its showing off and is now just going to get all hard and surly. All the come-hither glances and naughty smiles of the first few hours are replaced with scowls, made-you-flinch punches and unexpected finger jabs in the eye. Reviewing a game means I'm morally obligated to put up with all this rough-housing and push on through to the end - see how much we suffer for you, here in the PALGN dungeons? - but on my own time, I reserve the right to toss a game out the window the moment it turns into homework. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's arrived at the end of a three hour session of Insert Game Title Here and thought "Hang on - I didn't enjoy that one tiny bit." Uninstall!
It's always annoyed me, this inclination for a lot of games to sooner or later bury fun under challenge. I mean, chess doesn't need an Advanced level, does it? It wouldn't be markedly improved if someone stood behind me and whacked me on the head with a metal dinner tray every few minutes, would it? Fine, it would make the game longer, but not necessarily any more enjoyable. It's possible that by bailing out of games early, I'm missing out on a lot of tough, nuggety gameplay that would forge me into a more fully rounded person with dazzling conversational skills and wicked way with the ladies. Or possibly not.
Part the Second - In Which The Merits of the Number 7 are Discussed.
Mitch Getelman, Studio Manager at FASA, the developers of Shadowrun, has popped up in a few places and he's not happy. In a nutshell, he's been disappointed by Shadowrun's review scores - it's averaged around 7.0 - so he's hit the podcast trail to air his grievances. You can hear him on Episode 70 of the KOXM podcast, and also on Episode 86 of the PC Gamer Podcast.
Not having played the game, I have no opinions at all on Shadowrun, but Getelman is nevertheless fascinating to listen to. As much as anything, it's refreshing to hear someone speak openly and honestly about game development and the various problems and pitfalls that accompany a game's release. Of particular interest is the discussion about a "7.0" score being universally read as average. While common sense dictates that, on a ten-point scale, a 5.0 is actually an average score, that's not the way it works in the big wide world. No matter how much you bend over backwards to point out that a 7.0 is actually pretty good - the PALGN definition of a 7.0 is "Above average. Minor errors corrupt what may have been a great game" - there's no denying that the general attitude is that anything less than an 8.0 tars a game with the "meh" brush.
Better than average?
Short of either getting rid of scores altogether, which is quite simply not going to happen, or limiting scores to 1 for Bad or 2 for Awesome, it's difficult to know what the solution is. Also, no matter what you do, the aggregate score sites (like Metacritic and Gamerankings) chuck everything into the 1 to 100 blender anyway. The usual response from game reviewers is something along the lines of "well, um, you know, if you philistines just read the review over which I have laboured, lo these many hours, then it wouldn't be a problem, would it? Hmm? I shall now recite my poem, Sonic: Whither Art Thou, Mine Blue Spiny Adonis?, and you would do well to kneel at my feet and learn. When finished, I shall nod and you may then applaud." Or is that just me?
Not that I have a problem with the aggregate score sites - far from it. Again, as a consumer, I find them a great starting place, particularly when it comes to older games or if I've just bought a new system and find myself confronted with a sea of unknown titles. Besides, I think this may all be a bit of a tornado in a teacup. I've been reading reviews a lot longer than I've been writing them and I've always found that there's a lot of wiggle room around game scores. My personal games cupboard features great 7's (the aging Magic and Mayhem), bad 8's (Neverwinter Nights 2 - what were they thinking?), along with a few flat-out brilliant games that were barely reviewed - Conquest of the Aegean, anyone? Personal taste mixed with a sufficient number of grains of salt will safely see you past the apparently bewildering perils of the number 7.
Part the Third - In Which the 'Flu Returns and It All Goes From Bad to Worse.
Before I slump back into a fevered and incoherent state, allow me to point you at Hurrican. It's a pixel perfect "homage" to Turrican, the platformy, shooty, jumpy game from the Olden Days. It's completely free and beautifully done, well worth the 40mb download. I spent a few happy hours pressing fire when I meant to jump, jumping when I wanted to shoot and generally being bothered to death while not getting very far at all. Excellent stuff, and author Poke53280 (what were his parents thinking?) will no doubt be quickly snapped up and stuffed into a back room at EA, or something.
Metal trousers - a bad choice for winter.
Hey, wow - you can get some really interesting spray patterns when you sneeze on your monitor. Neat. Probably a good a time as any to wrap up this edition of The Spudgun. Back next month, in a slightly more coherent, less plague-ridden state. Be well.
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