Before I begin, it’s time to revisit a previous Dexterity. In +2 I went on about the Sonic series, and how I blindly believed Sonic would come back in glorious, stunning form. I made specific mention of the possibility that different control could mean a rejuvenation of our favourite blue blur. Of course I knew Sonic and the Secret Rings was on the way, and it had been receiving good scores. Based on these, I went and picked it up myself. Is it truly an excellent Sonic game?
No.
And no, it doesn’t achieve the heights that I believe Sonic will undoubtedly reach. However, with that being said, it does remedy the problems of silly characters taking up too much of the limelight, and gives Sonic his much-deserved glory. It’s fast, frantic, and frustrating – but the good moments are probably worth the price of admission, if you happen to be an affluent chap or chapette. Hey, it at least gives you something to do with your Wii these days.
It's pretty good. Really.
Now, onto business as usual. Taking a leaf out of the great Matt Keller’s myriad of articles, I’ve decided to go on a hate-filled rant, without the typical boozing and Dr. Who-watching that strikes the editorial team when anyone brings cranial activity to the table. Leave that brain at home, kids!
Screwing up numbering systems
Plenty of developers seem to go the way of numbering their games in the beginning, and when it turns out that the titleage lacks its original pizzazz, they add some funky fresh disclaimer or :’ed extra title. Let’s see – we had Resident Evil, then 2, then 3 – then Code Veronica, then REmake, then Zero. Finally, after three games, we can get right back on track with 4 – despite the fact all other games had plenty to do with the main Resident Evil storyline.
GTA, GTAII, GTAIII – GTA:VC, GTA:SA - GTAIV. What, didn’t Vice City and San Andreas have enough of an impact to be part of the main series?
If you’re going to add extra descriptions on the end of your treasured series, then keep it that way. Establish that all games are within the same canon, yet differentiated enough to attribute a signature title for each. If its sequels or extra content for an original story or characters, just keep the same damn numbering system. Either way is fine – just don’t aimlessly waft in and out of two different categorical systems for the same damn series.
The last two games meant nothing, apparently.
The word “sandbox”
I sincerely hope not every game that decides to break the mould of tired, overused gameplay mechanics doesn’t get automatically labeled as “sandbox”. First of all, this is Australia. It’s a sandpit. Second of all, games are increasingly becoming go-anywhere, do-anything affairs, so let’s try not to get too stuck by using the word sandbox for every single damn game. Better genre definitions, please – or ditch video game genre classifications entirely. I’d prefer if the best games for my primary activity weren’t named after a pile of crushed rocks and dirt.
Enemies that level up with you
Yeah, this is a big one. What’s worse, it has held near-perfect games back from, well, perfection. I’m talking to you, Oblivion. I’m a RPG nut, but when I found out that enemies get stronger as you do, I was gutted. It completely eliminates the point of leveling! So you’re meant to try better strategies and become a better player, right? Wrong. A difficulty slider is present to allow instant success over any obstacle in the game, and it becomes far too easy to spam it. I don’t like talking solely about Oblivion, but it’s the game I most recently completed (1000 Achievement Points, fool). Half the fun is going back to where you began and laying waste to pitiful enemies with your uber-character, and this doesn’t happen.
Doesn't look like a sandbox to me.
Electronics Boutique
So maybe it’s wrong to rip on a particular retailer. Maybe not. Who cares. Truth be told, almost every game retailer out there has some annoying quirk that, whenever I hesitantly step into the stores, causes me to remind myself never to shop there again. My resolve usually cracks at the slightest stirring of desperation. Trust me – going for too long without your own copy of Resident Evil 4 makes one shop at the most disturbing of places.
EB has cottoned on to the rapidly rising popularity of interactive media, and positioned itself appropriately. It was back when the company called itself a “boutique” instead of just EB that it really did provide customised service. Now it’s money, money, money – to the point where they prefer to hire staff who aren’t interested in, and have no knowledge of, video games. Why? So the staff won’t try and steal some of the store merchandise to fuel their interest. They’re sacrificing quality service for video game aficionados across the country to save a couple of bucks in lost revenue. Pffft.
In addition to losing the boutique quality of service, they’ve resorted to lame “squeeze every penny” sales tactics – stupid insurance policies (if you like video games, take care of them, would you please?), loyalty cards, and the nerve to pay bugger all for trade-ins, then go ahead and smack an inflated price to re-sell. Paying more than $100 for a pre-owned 360 game isn’t cool – especially when you can buy the same game brand new at some other store two minutes away for a cheaper price.
Pay now, MAYBE get your console first. Seriously, read the latest pre-order signs.
Finally, since thousands of people seem to dig the mass marketing of these games, EB is now an insanely busy store at all times. I stood in line, trying to buy Ghost Recon, behind some dude while he traded in his PS2 and a stack of games for a pittance. The entire process took about 25 minutes.
Matt even wrote a bit about it back in Easy Mode, as I discovered while trolling through to steal some ideas (although he’s back now, so I’ll get him as drunk as possible so he doesn’t remember – and whatever happens after that is our business):
“Now the thing that disturbs me here is that the EB employee that served me referred to me as “man” or “dude” at least 15 times in a 5 minute conversation. Is this a phenomenon that is localised purely at my EB store, or is it spreading? I’ve noticed this just isn’t restricted to the one employee – it seems like they all do it.”
At least that was bearable, as the nerds (hey, I’m a nerd too) tried to express themselves righteously to the ever-growing demographic group of EB customers. Now all anyone can get is a blank stare – hell, they’re not even nerds anymore! This may seem like petty consumer complaining, but buying the games and chatting to knowledgeable staff used to be half the fun. Now it’s a chore.
Kirby? What? Keep reading.
Stat-building
Well, that’s the end of that for another edition. Truth be told, we’re all pretty busy gearing up for the PS3 launch – very exciting stuff. I won’t go ahead and say anything about it; instead we’ll have a bunch of features going up very early next week for you to check out. It’s a big month, so as usual send all your thoughts to phil@palgn.com.au and hopefully we’ll get some user opinions and experiences going for future features. In fact – a special request – send some pictures in of you with your beloved (or despised) PS3 console, and if enough are as funny as you think they are, we’ll try and put together a little reader gallery for next time. Happy snaps!
Current game pick: It’s a tough one. Kirby’s Adventure for the Virtual Console. Seriously. Best NES game I’ve never played.
+1 | +2 | +3 | +4
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Thoughts and opinions expressed in +5 Dexterity remain those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of PAL Gaming Network, its advertisers, sponsors, and all other related parties.
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