Matt’s Somewhat Serious Bit
Confessing to certain unglorious things is usually death to a writer’s credibility, but when one thinks that, they assume that a writer has credibility in the first place. As I have none, I have no trouble bringing you a list of my top 20 secret gaming-related shames.
20. I didn’t buy Nintendo shares when they were 10,000 yen, despite the fact I knew they were going to go up big time. There is a bit of red tape around buying shares on the Nikkei, but I have access to the resources to solve that issue – I’m just lazy, and it cost me $10,000.
19. It took me 10 years to beat Super Mario Brothers. That last castle is a whore.
18. It took me 13 years to beat Alex Kidd in Miracle World, despite it being the first console game we owned. That last castle is a whore.
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The last levels of 8-bit games...whores
17. Despite consistently listing it as one of my favourite series, I am completely and utterly shit at Resident Evil games. The only game in the series I beat without playguide assistance was Resident Evil 4. Even with playguide assistance, the only other game in the series I have beaten without resorting to glitch cheats is Resident Evil 2. I like the series enough to own multiple copies of each game in the series, but my lack of skill is really shameful.
16. I started out reviewing games over at GameFAQs. While there was a good little community over there that helped me to evolve as a writer, my first reviews are truly embarrassing – and still exist over there today (unlike my GameCube Game Guide which disappeared without a single word from the admin). The original reason I got into writing for independent sites was actually to score free games – I just didn’t realise it’d take two years of committed, self-funded work to be able to get to that point. It wasn’t until I had a few reviews under my belt that I developed my disgruntled attitude towards the games industry’s scoring system.
15. Of all of the great titles on the SNES, the reason I originally bought one was Killer Instinct. For the most part, I still classify the Mega Drive as the better system in the recesses of my mind, despite the eventual discovery of Nintendo’s superior first-party line-up.
This is what made me get a SNES. Proof of one-time graphics whoredom.
14. For some unknown reason, I still have a soft spot for Electronic Arts, thinking that one day they might rediscover the principles on which the company was founded. I’m pretty forgiving of all the crap they produce solely for the fact that they made so many enjoyable 16-bit games.
13. Until the release of Command & Conquer: Generals in 2003, I had never beaten a single player campaign in a real-time strategy game. I really do suck at them.
12. I originally thought Street Fighter III sucked because it wasn’t in 3D. I don’t think it’s actually possible to be more wrong than I was in thinking that.
I'm sorry, Street Fighter III. I was young and foolish.
11. I like the Mortal Kombat canon – I don’t really know why since it’s become a clusterfuck since MK3, and I’ve not liked many of the new characters, particularly the additions for MK4, but I still find myself buying most Mortal Kombat games to follow the story. It helps that they’re improving in quality and they drop in price quickly.
10. I can’t bring myself to play Resident Evil 3 any more, due to the overwhelming surge of adrenaline and fear from random Nemesis encounters. With the exception of System Shock 2 and Project Zero, Resident Evil 3 is probably the scariest game ever.
9. I love Metal Gear, but I didn’t always – in fact, I’m pretty sure I thought Metal Gear Solid sucked when I first played it on the PlayStation, and thought Metal Gear Solid 2 was overrated when I acquired the demo. Now it’s totally different; it’s my third favourite series behind Zelda and Shenmue. Plus, I think that Metal Gear Solid 2 has an enjoyable story, and have never revisited the original PlayStation version of the game, though I would like to. And I always liked Raiden.
Crazy ass Colonel > Tom Clancy bullshit any day of the week
8. Of the last 15 games I’ve bought, 11 are unopened, and I’ve only beaten one. Sure, it’s as a result of being a working man and a sucker for a good bargain (timing is everything in this industry), but when you’ve gone from being a kid who’d see 2-3 new games a year to buying over 50 without batting an eyelid, you can’t help but feel ashamed. Purchasing a non-Zelda, non-Metal Gear game doesn’t really feel like an event now.
7. I didn’t get into Zelda games until Ocarina of Time – in fact, I am fairly sure that I was oblivious to Ocarina of Time's existence until the week it came out – I didn’t really know at the time that it was a big thing to get perfect 10s from all of these websites and such. The only games I’ve beaten in the series are Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker – I have trouble trying to find time to play the other Zelda games in amongst my schedule of reviewing, despite the fact I’d easily make time for a new 3D Zelda game. I feel that one of my biggest shortcomings as a writer is never having beaten A Link to the Past.
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2D Zelda games and I just don't seem to gel.
6. I keep an Excel spreadsheet with information on every game I own, such as the date of purchase, where I bought it, the amount I paid, a quick score out of ten, whether I’ve beaten it or not, and its current location. While it started out as an honest attempt to keep track of my considerable library (friends borrowing things and not returning them – cannot stand it!), it somehow gelled with my genetic inclination towards numbers, and I now keep a rather deep statistical analysis of my game collection, and bombard the PALGN staff with useless numbers about it.
5. I never really owned a PlayStation until the PlayStation 2’s backwards compatibility component. If you want to get technical, I did own a Japanese PlayStation for exactly 36 hours in 2001, but lacked a power point converter to get it to work. I traded it and a small library of games (including the classic Street Fighter: The Movie - Real Battle on Film) for GTA3, which was banned three days later. Had I sold that copy of GTA3 then, I would have been $200 better off. Oh well.
4. I have a general bias against the original PlayStation. I didn’t own one, but had access to one and the best games on the system, but I found it really hard to try to get into the system as a whole when I finally did have access to one. The lack of texture filtering gives me a headache, games were generally of a low quality with bad frame rates, machine was prone to error, etc.
3. Forget The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Super Mario 64 and GoldenEye 007, I bought my Nintendo 64 for WCW vs nWo: World Tour. Sure, it was a fun game, but there were many better reasons for getting the console.
Number one reason why I defected to Nintendo...and it was a fricking THQ game
2. I’m a really sore loser. I pretty much won’t play competitive multiplayer games for more than five rounds unless I’m winning or ranking pretty high. I prefer a close contest to being completely schooled – it's trauma from RTS games at LAN parties during my teenage years. Recent fighting games are becoming an exception to the rule though.
1. The most hyped I’ve ever been for a video game was for WWF Attitude in 1999. It was a culmination of several shameful things, namely being a wrestling fan and enjoying wrestling games more than any other at the time, but being hyped for a game by none other than Acclaim has to take the cake.
I counted down the days, minutes and seconds till this came out. It's no wonder I'm so jaded.
Easy Feedback
What are some of your secret gaming shames? Are they as bad as mine?
Thoughts and opinions expressed in Easy Mode remain those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of PAL Gaming Network, its advertisers, sponsors, and all other related parties.
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