So you've heard the news? Paris Hilton, hotel heiress and reality TV star has agreed to use her likeness in a video game.
If there's anything good about this news, it's that she'll only be appearing on the very small screen. The deal between Ms Hilton and game publisher Gameloft, is for a series of mobile phone games. I guess if she does have to be on screen, then the smaller the screen the better. While it’s hard to be excited about the announcement, it does at least seem like the most appropriate platform. Certainly, this woman, who is famous for simply being famous, would be hard pressed to fill a DS card with game related content. And after all that time stuffing her pet Chihuahua into her handbag it's perhaps only fair that the tables are turned and we get to stuff her into our pockets and see how she likes it. That sounds worse than I intended, but you get the general idea.
Put Paris Hilton in your pocket.
Gameloft have been pretty tight lipped about the game other than saying it's part of a category of simpler titles. Ok, so a simple game sounds fitting. That's really all we know as far as hard facts go, but I'm prepared to go out on a limb and make a few predictions about this title still 'under development'.
I'm guessing it's not so much a game, as it is a lifestyle choice for your phone; a Paris Hilton interface if you like. It won't run on 'smart phones' without at least downgrading the firmware. Once installed, your phone won't power on until after 11 in the morning and won't power down until after 3am.
Your phone will still have the same feature set it had before the game was installed, but the features will no longer work as well as before. Your phone will misdial, even when speed dialling, your predictive text function now has a much smaller vocabulary, your camera will only photograph naked people and the phone will post your entire personal telephone directory on the internet at regular monthly intervals.
We suspect the game will include an on-line poker game where you can emulate Ms Hilton's recent losing 'Bet the Bentley' wager. Apparently the sexy socialite lost her $150,000 Bentley in a recent poker game. Of course the stakes won't be as high, but you'll possibly be able to risk your Mum's Magna or bet your father's Falcon.
Of course being a simple mobile phone game you won't be able to re-inact all of Ms Hilton's reckless behaviour. We hear she nearly electrocuted herself in a swimming pool the other day. While the mobile phone game won't do that, in a tribute to her wackiness, the phone will make random calls every time you fill up at the petrol station. Of course I'm just guessing!
Drive me Loco
Ok, I'm going to say this only once. Actually I've said it before and if you comb through the back issues of The Wrap you will see it for yourself, but I'll repeat it in the interests of keeping you all on side. I have a PSP and a DS and I love them equally. Well perhaps not equally. The PSP joined the household first so it's loved just a little bit more, kind of like a 'first-born child' kind of thing. Plus there's the whole gadget thing. I'm a self-confessed technophile, so that gives the PSP just a slight edge too. But the point is it's a microscopic difference. These are both great portables offering two very different, but enjoyable gaming experiences and I love them both. But there's one area where the PSP has an edge. It's not often that Sony has the inside running over Nintendo when it comes to simple ideas that just make sense, but when it comes to game downloads, I have to put the PSP ahead on points.
Nintendo offer free game demo downloads for the DS. I know this and you know this cause we read it online. I read it in the comfort of my apartment. I didn't have to get off the sofa either. It took me all of two minutes to find out. The cost? We'll round up for the sake of simplicity and call it 1 cent based on a pro rata usage of the broadband, but in truth it was probably even less. So far so good. But Nintendo, in their infinite wisdom have decided it would be better if we downloaded the demos in Australia from Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection hotspots. Now I'm all for alternative distribution models; ice cream trucks, vending machines, dropped from airplanes, or, and here's a crazy idea, what about making them available from any wireless internet connection?
Now, I know there are still a few people out there without broadband, and lets face it, it's still about as competitively priced as soft drink and beer at the Sydney Royal Easter Show. So for those out there that decided to forgo the online life and feed the kids instead, I salute Nintendo for at least providing these people with an in-store download solution.
Unfortunately, the inconvenience and impracticality of the DS game demos doesn't stop with the distribution model. Try this on. As readers of The Wrap may know, my nearest, in fact, my only such Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection hotspot is at Belconnen in Canberra's north. It's a cross-town, 80 kilometre round trip. Duration - 1 hour. The cost? I'm guessing about $8 for fuel.
Mission Impossible? Certainly Mission Impractical!
So I drive out to EB last Thursday and attempt to download a game demo. The DS connects simply enough, revealing three downloads to choose from; Pokémon Trozei, Brain Age, and a non-playable video of Metroid Prime Hunters. I select Brain Age and commence the download. It loses the connection three times before successfully downloading the file on the fourth attempt, downloading the file in about three minutes. Sure; there's a certain level of satisfaction in thinking I've finally got something from the store for free. But here's the kicker. The demo will only remain on your DS as long as you keep the DS turned on. And bugger if the power light hasn't just turned red. I could have sworn I charged it up last night. I contemplate buying a cigarette charger while I'm at EB, but having just got something from the store for nothing, I'm loath to go back and hand over any money. So I close the lid on the DS and put it into 'sleep mode' and high-tail it out of the shopping centre and drive home in search of a charger and a power socket. Of course I drive much quicker on the homeward leg, so in truth, my fuel bill is perhaps now closer to $10. Suddenly my free demo doesn't seem like such a bargain anymore.
Now there's a lesson here; no, not 'charge your DS stupid' although I have made a note of that one. No, the message is that providing downloadable Nintendo DS game demos at Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection hotspots is not such a neat distribution model. Unless that is that Nintendo think the demos are so incredibly good that before you even get out of EB, you'll wander to the counter and hand over the cash for the complete game.
There is a better way. This week PALGN reported on the release of the latest PSP firmware 2.7 which came with Flash support and a few other bells and whistles. The best thing about the 2.7 firmware wasn't the firmware itself but that by installing it on the PSP you could then download and play the new LocoRoco demo available free from Sony PlayStation Japan. If you haven't already, you can read PALGN's comprehensive preview here.
PSP game downloads; the easiest way to satisfy The Wrap's appetite for gaming.
Now, the in-game menu is in Japanese and the game looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon created by someone in a drug induced stupor, but it's tilt and bounce play mechanics couldn't be simpler. You need to guide a jelly-like LocoRoco by tilting the landscape using the PSP's left and right shoulder buttons. Give it a few minutes and you are guaranteed to be as charmed by the funky and addictive gameplay as I was. Even better, you can turn off the PSP, turn it back on and the 8 meg download will be right where you left it; ready to play again the next time you boot up. Score one for the PSP.
Catch you next week on The Wrap.
Thats gold !
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